you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He better not be in your backpack
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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