I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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