I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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