Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
