What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
