Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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