Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
