my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
