after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
