I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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