Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
