Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
