So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
