You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
