i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
