This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize