If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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