I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
