I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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