What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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