can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
