Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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