What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
