She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is her dick bigger than yours?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
