I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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