Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
