Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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