YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
