Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
