I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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