I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
