good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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