I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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