apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
