there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
