I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
