I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
