Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she woke up with a sticky ear
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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