i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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