I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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