You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
