People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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