does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
