Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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