apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
