Your dad touched me again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
