I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
