Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
