He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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