i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
