I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
