I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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