Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
