hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
