no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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