I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a search helicopter?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
