I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
