New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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