I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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