I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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