i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
