id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
