How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
