saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
