she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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