I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
