ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
