dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
