I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
