Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
