And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
