even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize