chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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