Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
