I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
