It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
